Coffee Because Murder Is Wrong - Stainless steel water bottle with a straw lid

Coffee Because Murder Is Wrong Stainless steel water bottle with a straw lid—because some of us can’t be trusted before caffeine. Let’s be honest, meditation is great. Deep breathing works for some people. But the rest of us? We rely on coffee and the mercy of those around us. This design says what everyone’s thinking at 6 AM when the world feels too loud and your patience is already spent. It’s got that sweet vintage vibe mixed with dark humour that hits different. Because of this, you’ll get knowing nods from anyone who’s survived on caffeine alone.

The design is bold and brutally relatable. It gets laughs from people who understand that coffee isn’t a luxury—it’s a public safety measure. For example, it’s perfect for the morning commute, the work day grind, or hiding in the kitchen for five minutes of peace. Overall, this one speaks to anyone who’s ever needed that first sip to remain a functioning member of society. Because it’s not just coffee. It’s crisis prevention in a bottle.

Stay hydrated all day with this 32 oz (950 ml) water bottle. It’s ideal for workouts or busy days, with a wide-mouth foldable straw for spill-free sipping and a rotating handle for easy carrying.

• Double-walled stainless steel with vacuum insulation
• Plastic lid and wide-mouth foldable straw
• 32 oz. (950 ml)
• Height: 9.92″ (25.2 cm)
• Diameter: 3.54″ (9 cm)
• Glossy finish
• Rotating handle
• Comes with an anti-slip patch
• Blank product sourced from China

Disclaimer: Not dishwasher or microwave safe. Hand-wash only.